When Your One-Night Stand Runs Away From You (ft. Mary Beth Barone) – Sex Fails

When Your One-Night Stand Runs Away From You (ft. Mary Beth Barone) – Sex Fails

Hi, my name is Mary Beth Barone and I am bringing you
yet another sex fail. It’s an honor to be
the only person who has done
this video series twice. Today I’m going to tell you
the story of the time I hooked up with a runner,
but it’s not what you think. I was out in LA, I was there doing some shows and I met this group of guys
and they were all hot, which is very overwhelming
for someone like me because I’m just obsessed
with hot guys. There was a little something
for everyone. A guy on the shorter side,
John Mayer type, John Stamos type, one who’s kind of into surfing
and skateboarding. Now it’s very rare that you
will see a group of hot guys and they’re all hot. It’s kind of like
seeing a unicorn. Or even several hot unicorns. The John Stamos type and I start talking
and I had it on good authority that he doesn’t hook up
with people a lot. He’s very hot, so I thought,
“Well, that seems like a waste.” I kind of gave him a little bit
of shit for working in finance, which he was actually
really offended by. Or I just thought
he would be embarrassed because that’s embarrassing. I was able to recover
from it though and we started making out. We took an Uber
back to his Airbnb. And Uber was $75.
Okay, this pussy must be good. I guess working in finance
is not that embarrassing. So we had sex.
It was fun. It was good. He actually lives
in New York where I live, so we had made plans to see
each other when we got back. Guess what?
We never hung out again, which probably should have
given me some clue as to what his friends
would be like. Mary Beth B.:
After that happened, I decided to adopt
this new policy. No one night stands.
Which might seem easy, but honestly in this climate
it’s pretty hard. I’m not a stickler either. We could still hook up
the first night we meet, all I really want is just
a verbal agreement that we’re going
to hang out again. And we could go to a rodeo,
we could get haircuts together, we could get drinks,
we could have sex. I don’t want it to just be
like a one and done. I’m back in New York, didn’t see the John Stamos
type again, but I did get a text
from the John Mayer type. And that’s a twist because
he had a girlfriend when we met. He didn’t have
a girlfriend anymore. They had broken up
just a few days earlier. And this is always a good time
to get a text from someone because you know it’s serious. He said, “What are you up to?
We should hang out.” Hmm, this is probably
a very bad idea but I’m going to do it anyway. The John Mayer type and I are texting and we decided that we were
going to go to Union Pool, which if you don’t live
in New York is the make out bar
in Williamsburg. Everyone just goes there
to hook up. We did shots of tequila,
which is always a bad idea if you want to hook up
with someone later unless you want it
to be really, really sloppy. Hint, it did turn out to be. At a certain point,
we were making out and we decided to take a cab
back to my apartment. In the cab, we had our, what I
like to call our negotiations, which is where I kind of
laid out my terms and he could either agree
or not agree to them. I don’t really do one night
stands anymore, so if we hook up tonight,
which we don’t have to, I’m going to want to
hang out with you again. So we looked me in my eye and he said,
“If we have sex tonight, we will definitely
hang out again.” As you know,
when guys had been drinking and they’re about to have sex, that’s when they’re
their most honest. We get up to my room,
clothes are coming off. We’re making out.
We decided to have sex. He has thigh tattoos.
He put on Ty Dolla Sign, another red flag,
but nevertheless I persisted. We’re having sex,
which was very grabby, a lot of limbs everywhere. It didn’t feel good.
After we were done, he asked if he could smoke
a joint in my bed. Now, I’m not a smoker,
but I’m extremely accommodating because I’m a woman. So yes, why not?
Of course I said yes. I don’t have an ashtray in my room so he decided
to use this Barbie plate. I have that.
My dad got me on a business trip and he just ashed
the joint there. Yeah, he’s resourceful. And this is the tip
for all the guys out there. Girls keep childhood things
in their rooms specifically for you
to fuck them up, which you seem to be
really good at. It’s probably three in the morning
when he says to me, “So I actually have
to go home right now because the marathon’s tomorrow
and I live uptown, it’s going to be really hard
for me to get home.” If you’re not familiar
with New York, we actually do a lot
of our traveling underground. So a marathon
that’s kind of happening on the street/
sidewalk area, that would not impact
your travel no matter what. Now I have to say
I’ve heard a lot of excuses for leaving the same night,
but this was super creative. Was he running the marathon? No, he was just
running away from me. So there were so many things. I shouldn’t have had any hope,
but me being a romantic, I thought,
“Well, you know what? Let me text him in the morning
because I have it on his word that we’re going to
hang out again.” I have a Donna summer poster
hanging in my living room. I said, “Hey, I think you left
this here last night,” and that’s a really good text.
I’m good at flirting. But he just said, “Ha ha.” And we never hung out
again of course. Except that a few months later I was dining
at a Mexican restaurant. I had a couple of standup
shows that night, I was feeling good. And who walks by,
none other than him, but instead of stopping
to say hi or even really just
acknowledging my presence in a respectful way,
he walked by and did this. And that was it. I don’t know
what he meant by that. I don’t know if he meant
he was watching me, or if he was throwing
a peace sign, or if he was telling me he’s
eaten at that restaurant before, or if he was showing me
where the emergency exits were. I don’t know. But don’t do that.
Just say hi. Wave even. Or even a nod.
But to give the peace sign? Disrespectful.
And just so you know, if that actually doesn’t count
as hanging out again. If you’re watching this,
you probably are because you have come to my
shows with your new girlfriend, I just have one thing
to say to you. Oops sorry, I meant…

34 thoughts on “When Your One-Night Stand Runs Away From You (ft. Mary Beth Barone) – Sex Fails

  1. all the single people watching this video O: 75$ uber? da fak o.O you should definently find you someone good to settle down with, you deserve it. there are good people in this world still

  2. ู…ู€ู€ู€ูŠู†๐Ÿฅฐ ูŠู€ุฑุญู€ู€ู€ู€ุจ๐Ÿฅฐ ุจู€ูŠ๐Ÿฅฐ ูŠู€ู€ู€ู€ุถุบู€ู€ู€ุท ู„ุงูŠู€ูƒ๐ŸฅฐูˆูŠู€ู€ู€ู€ุฑุงุณู€ู€ู†ู€ูŠ ุฎู€ู€ู€ู€ู€ุงุต ูˆุงุดู€ู€ู€ุชุฑูƒ ุจู€ู‚ู€ู†ู€ุงุชู€ู€ู€ูŠ

  3. imagine being upset someone didn't hang out with you after they drunkenly slept with you on the "first date." like what did you expect from that interaction?

  4. So is the moral of the story the fact that they didn't think she was particularly interesting or that they didn't think the sex was that good?

  5. Donโ€™t blame runner if she spoke like this the whole time. But heโ€™s probably getting some already if he did t stay with Her

  6. Sorry- I'm a girl but, if I ever see AND also recognise someone I slept with once (so never) I am doing that two finger secret code thing now.

  7. I would guess he did this because he stumbled into you, was not interested after he dumped you and the only thing that he could come up with in that second was that stare, "hey you again, i see you", bye. Nevertheless I did this to a chick, that initially rejected me :)) cool vid btw. One little tip, try to get to know people before hooking up if you can, maybe you don't end up alone the next day. control your damn urges for crying out loud, you're not a teen anymore. cheers

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